Good Job Mom

Some days I feel like I am rocking this… this thing called motherhood.  Other days I feel like I’m failing miserably.  Today, I just can’t get rid of the “I suck” feeling.  It all started yesterday…

We went to spend the afternoon fishing as a family.  Well, it leads into my son complaining, my husband getting irritated and me just trying to keep the peace.  We went out for supper and my husband and I dropped our son off and then went back out to see a band.  My son was upset that we didn’t take him with us.  At the end of the day he could have come but I could feel the irritation rolling of my husband and figured this was the best course of action….

but then, my husband said if he would have known the band was playing early we could have brought our son with…

Some days I feel like all my decisions are just gone wrong.

And so many times I feel like we can never have a family outing without the above mentioned dynamic.  Is everyone elses family like this?

Things are understandably stressful with a drought looming over us but I always try to go the glass is half full way… but some days it is so hard when everyone around you is grumpy!!

Some days I just wish someone would give me a hug and say

Good Job Mom.

The moment

And there it was…  I felt it completely…. That moment of being in the moment, of joy, of stopping and appreciating everything around me.  It was life in slow motion.  In the rush around at seeding time of year it was a breath of fresh air, and you know what, it was not some momentous occasion.  It was just normal everyday life.

I was sitting in the tractor cab while my husband was working on the drill, my father in law was outside talking to little J who had just been dropped off by the bus.  I was watching all of this through the window of the tractor and just felt so truly blessed.  The sun was shining, my family was around me and all was so right in the world at that moment.

The days since have been full as we are still in the field and have a few cows still calving but I keep coming back to that moment.  It is a reminder to me to just enjoy each moment, no matter how busy or stressful it seems.  This is life, so live it… Enjoy it.

Gone but not Forgotten

I saw a lone feather today,
It made me think of you,
How you believed angels left them behind,
I’d like to believe it’s true.

Was that you stopping by?
Were you just checking in?
Leaving a little sign,
So we know that you’ve been?

Do you think we’ve forgotten you?
You’re quite often on my mind,
We still miss you my friend,
Good friends are hard to find.

Come back soon to see us,
Let us know that your okay,
I’m so happy you stopped by,
Though I know you can not stay.

We will see you again someday,
Will you be waiting with a smile?
To welcome us home at long last,
You’ll just have to wait a while.🌾

Photography

In the last couple of years I have rekindled my love of photography.  I have started taking some classes and I am really enjoying all that I am learning.  I will post some of my pics on here.  This picture was taken the other day when we asked the guys from our community pasture to come and rope a calf so it could be treated.

Loss

In the last year I have heard of a couple of people in my community losing their children to accidents.  I can’t even begin to imagine the pain they are feeling, it crushes me to even think about this happening to my family.  I wrote this tonight:

LOSS

How do you go on after a loss like that,
Knowing your arms will no longer hold him tight,
No way to tuck him in where he’s gone,
No more kisses goodnight.

I don’t want to feel that pain ever,
Though I feel it deep in my heart,
A life not fully lived, cut short
Before it really had time to start.

I don’t know you at all,
As a parent my heart feels your pain,
Knowing your life has to go on,
Never to be the same.

I don’t know where you’ll find solace,
I hope it gets easier day by day,
Know there’s an angel watching over you,
Guiding you, helping you find your way.

Why do these things happen,
No one really knows,
Remember him in your heart,
As your family grows.

Those near to you grieve also,
Though we will never understand,
The strength and courage it will take,
Do the best you can.

How will you go on from here.
Only you can decide,
Don’t lose yourself, love yourself,
Love others, don’t hide.

Love to all those parents who have lost a child to soon🌾

The crazies

I was going to start this entry with how much things have changed in the last year the realized that is not what I want to write about today.

WARNING: the following content is about GIRL stuff!!!!😊 Why is it at nearly 40 years old I still get the crazies sometimes at that time of the month.  It doesn’t happen every time (thank goodness), but every once in awhile the need to buy something, the need to eat all the junk food in sight, the mood swings, the need to write poetry about how grateful I am for my life and family and the need to fall down in a heap and cry my eyes out all happen at once.  It doesn’t matter what vitamins I take, how much sleep I get or how things are going in my day it just all comes on at once.

YES to any men that made it this far into the post, I am admitting that the period crazies are real and you best duck if you get to close with that smirk and I told you so grin or I will wipe the grin right off your face….oh wait!… where are you going, you know I love you baby… Now give me your ice cream and your wallet, I feel the need to shop!!!! Oy vey!!!!

Moving Forward

Well, I did it. I gave my notice at work this week. As of June 1st I am going to be a full time farm wife 🙂

What a tough decision!! I work for such great people but trying to do it all is just not working. I am so far behind on my books at home I may never see the light…

I am really looking forward to working with my husband and being with my son more. Just think, I can actually put him in swimming lessons b/c I will be able to take him.

I know it is the right thing, it is going to be so different but change is good right? I feel like I have just jumped off a cliff but life changing decisions are always a little/lot scary. I am just focusing on and remembering all the reasons we are doing this.

More time with my son and hopefully take some pressure of my husband so that we can all have more time as family. Farming is much more than just a job. It is a way of life and one I am lucky to be living. 🙂

Taking the Leap

Okay, we have decided it is a go. I can quit my job and stay home to work with hubby on the farm. Yayyyy!!!!!!…… Wait, I think I may be scared shitless. Let me think about this for a few more days.

Why is it when the one thing you have wanted forever comes along you can be too scared to grab it and hold on for dear life.

This would be so easy if I didn’t like the people I work for. They have been so good to me. Always understanding when I’ve needed time off and pretty much just giving me whatever I wanted. So am I hesitant because I don’t want to quit or just because of guilt. I think it is guilt.

To be able to be home when my son gets home from school, to spend the summer with him, to be able to take the pressure off of my husband in some way, to help my elderly father in law with the yard work…. there are just so many reasons to do this.

Finally, going to live the dream… just need to take a breath and Take the leap. 🙂

I just want to be a farm wife

In the past few years a friend of ours has come down to help us at seeding time. This year was going to be the same until he got called back to work.

Looks like this mama is going to learn to either seed or spray or something… Yayyyyy!!! I am pretty excited…

I am all about helping, but you know, I have this job that gets in the way of my farm life. Last year I took harvest off, but I don’t feel like I can also take seeding off. I ask for so much and my bosses are really good about it but someday they are going to get tired of it.

Hubby and I talked about it and we are thinking for sure by next April I will probably need to quit my job so we can just farm together and not worry about paying people to help us. I really want to move this up. I have wanted to stay home since my son was born but circumstances were I needed to go back to work after my maternity. I think now we are in a position that I could stay home full time and help him but I think we are both scared of all the what ifs…?

What if the crop isn’t worth enough…?
What if we can’t make our payments…?
What if the extra land we rent ends up getting sold….?

I really just want to be a farm wife. I like my job but…..

I really just want to be a farm wife.

I am not a builder

A couple of years ago I bought one of those little greenhouses off of a garage sale site. When I went to pick it up I helped the seller take it down. Since then it has sat in the shed. Last year the snow barely melted before it was time to plant the garden so it never got put up…. So I figure today is the day.
I go out to the shed, pull everything out and look at all the pieces awhile. Hmmmm… Maybe this way, maybe that way…. Hmmmm, go inside, try to find the pics I took when I bought it to refresh my memory as to how it goes, can’t find the picture… Hmmm… In my mind I picture a rectangular structure but there is not a square piece to be found!!! I finally realize it is a hexagon shape!!!
Now, anyone that knows me knows I try hard but I am basically useless when it comes to building pretty much anything, so when hubby comes along and looks at me looking at all these pieces with a confused look on my face, I do give him credit for trying not to laugh.
Luckily, he loves me and when I said I may cry he helped me out.
Hubby to the rescue!!’ Thank goodness… Otherwise I think I would still be out there just looking at all the pieces trying not to cry 🙂