Gone but not Forgotten

I saw a lone feather today,
It made me think of you,
How you believed angels left them behind,
I’d like to believe it’s true.

Was that you stopping by?
Were you just checking in?
Leaving a little sign,
So we know that you’ve been?

Do you think we’ve forgotten you?
You’re quite often on my mind,
We still miss you my friend,
Good friends are hard to find.

Come back soon to see us,
Let us know that your okay,
I’m so happy you stopped by,
Though I know you can not stay.

We will see you again someday,
Will you be waiting with a smile?
To welcome us home at long last,
You’ll just have to wait a while.🌾

Photography

In the last couple of years I have rekindled my love of photography.  I have started taking some classes and I am really enjoying all that I am learning.  I will post some of my pics on here.  This picture was taken the other day when we asked the guys from our community pasture to come and rope a calf so it could be treated.

Loss

In the last year I have heard of a couple of people in my community losing their children to accidents.  I can’t even begin to imagine the pain they are feeling, it crushes me to even think about this happening to my family.  I wrote this tonight:

LOSS

How do you go on after a loss like that,
Knowing your arms will no longer hold him tight,
No way to tuck him in where he’s gone,
No more kisses goodnight.

I don’t want to feel that pain ever,
Though I feel it deep in my heart,
A life not fully lived, cut short
Before it really had time to start.

I don’t know you at all,
As a parent my heart feels your pain,
Knowing your life has to go on,
Never to be the same.

I don’t know where you’ll find solace,
I hope it gets easier day by day,
Know there’s an angel watching over you,
Guiding you, helping you find your way.

Why do these things happen,
No one really knows,
Remember him in your heart,
As your family grows.

Those near to you grieve also,
Though we will never understand,
The strength and courage it will take,
Do the best you can.

How will you go on from here.
Only you can decide,
Don’t lose yourself, love yourself,
Love others, don’t hide.

Love to all those parents who have lost a child to soon🌾

At the end of my rope

I have talked and talked and been talked around in circles and am getting nowhere.

I live in a rural area and the town that my son would go to school in has two schools that teach K – 7.  A pulic school and a catholic school.  I chose to send my son to the Catholic school.  My family is not Catholic but the Catholic school here happily accepts students who’s religion has the same basis as the teachings in the school. 

Little did I know the Public School system, who is also in control of bussing all students can refuse to bus my son to the Catholic School because he was not baptized Catholic.  This is in their actual transportation policy, students must be baptized Catholic for them to be bussed to the Catholic school.  They say this is because the Catholic school mandate is to provide education to the minority Catholic religion, and according to the Division my son does not fit this criteria. 

I have called the Divsion and talked myself blue in the face.  I have called the Ministry of Education for Saskatchewan and they tell me the School Division can make whatever rules they want.  I am so very frusturated… if I only lived a mile out of town it would not be a big deal but it is a hike to my place.  If I worked full time it would also not be an issue, I would just bring him with me, but it really should not be an issue to bus him. 

The problem is the divisions amalgamated a few years ago so they are acting like this is the city.  My neighbours children will be on the same bus as my son and they will be allowed to get off because they are Catholic but my son would not be allowed to be dropped off at the same school.  I even offered to drive my son to a regular school bus stop if they did not want to pick up,… no go.  I am annoyed, offended, frusturated and so many more things.  Next stop… MLA. 

One more thing, the Catholic School has been nothing but accomodating and helpful.  They are supporting me 100% and I am so very thankful to have someone on my side.

May 15, 2013

Feeling Boo Hoo poor me today. My lunch buddy has been gone for almost two weeks, poor lonely me.
Had to go walking all by myself, poor lonely me.
Hubby is up at five and not home until 11 or 12 in the evening, poor lonely me.
Other lunch buddy is out of town today, poor lonely me.

Okay, done with the pity party for today.  I am tired, cranky and think I am coming down with a cold.  I am trying to figure out bussing for my son for the school I want him to go to and I am not having a lot of  luck.  I am starting to get stressed about it all.  I need to figure this out before school is out for the summer and there is no one around to call about it.  Wish me luck.  Crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

Looks like branding will be happening this weekend to so need to get everything ready and then to move cows to the community pasture on Tuesday.  Looks like it will be  a busy weekend.

On the upside, managed to get the garden all tilled yesterday and planted Little J’s patch.  He was, for once, into it for the whole time it took to get it done and he thought it was so much fun.  Going to run by the greenhouse tomorrow to pick up some already growing stuff to complete his side and then hopefully get everything else planted this weekend.

Have a fabulous long weekend 🙂

Whirlwind week

It has been a crazy week here.  Between work, running for soccer, birthday parties, childcare, playschool, packing lunches for hubby in the field, making meals, helping move equipment and vehicles when needed I am not quite sure which way is up.  I am heading out to my youngest sister’s wedding tomorrow for two nights so I have also been trying to get meals figured out for my guys for the weekend AND……. figuring out what the heck I am going to wear!

On top of all of this my father in law has not been feeling super good so I am trying to keep him in mind when cooking for the guys.  Luckily I think I have enough in the freezer now for the three of them to keep them until I get home on Sunday.

I did toy with the idea of taking Monday off but then thought better of it… I may need to take days off in the next couple of weeks for branding and moving cattle to the community pasture.  Luckily my bosses are also country people and are very understanding about giving me time off to help on the farm when needed.

Living the dream baby!!
Have a great weekend all, may the sunshine on everyone!

And it begins

I am officially a grass widow as my mother would put it. 
Seeding has officially begun.  Days at home exist of cleaning house, laundry, yard work, making lunches, helping move equipment and supper runs until 9pm or until everyone has come in from the field.  Luckily our hired man would rather eat after he is done for the day, otherwise it would be feeding some at home and some in the field.  Such a crazy time of year but this is what we live for….. right? 🙂 or as I like to say when my husband gets tired: 
Livin the dream baby!!

Disturbed by television gore

I have to wonder if we, as a society, are becoming desensitized to the horror we see everyday. 
The reason I ask this is some of the television shows that have come out lately are down right gory. 
Take the Walking Dead for instance.  Although I am seriously addicted to this heart pounding series, it is gory.  My husband first started watching it and I had to cover my eyes through half of the show.  I kept asking him, how can you watch this?  Eventually the story line won me over but I still have to cover my eyes through a lot of it. 
Another show we have recently started watching is Hannibal.  So far I am enthralled with the story line but once again I have to turn away through the gory parts. 
Why is all this gore necessary?  Maybe I am more sensitive to these things as I also can not watch the real life new stories featuring bodies being blown up, carried away by hurricanes and tsunami’s and any other horrific happenings of the world.  If I happen to catch one of these stories I usually end up crying so I do my best to avoid the news clips.  I can read it online if I need to.
When I was a kid I loved horror movies, but they were scary not gory.  Why is everyday television turning to these gruesome images? and what other real life tragedies will come about that makes people just shrug and say oh well, that’s the way the world is today?

May 1, 2013

Random

– My friend gave me a mood ring and it changes color like 50 times a day.  Does this mean I am moody 🙂

–I may have to go to the grand opening of the greenhouse just to see some sign of spring.

–Why do people seem to think that this time of year (as in seeding) is a good time to add extra demands of my family.  Luckily I have recently learned to say NO. 🙂

–I really truly wish I had never joined the board I am on but I am one of those people that feels everyone should do their part. 

–I count myself lucky to have a great job, amazing bosses, good friends, great husband, son and step daughter.

Conversations with a 5 year old

Well spring finally poked it’s head out this weekend.  It was glorious, but living in good old Saskatchewan winter is still not ready to let go.  Sandals yesterday, parkas today.

The other night I was starting Little J’s bath and he says “Mom, why do we need people?”
Me: “We would be lonely if there were  no other people don’t you think?”
Little J “No, why do we need me and you and dad and people?”
Me: “Well…. when the world started God made a boy name Adam and a girl named Eve”
Little J “And they got married, right mom?”

I honestly have no idea where some of our conversations come from and sadly I am at times ill equipped to even have these conversations.  I attended church as a child with my parents and then when Little J was born I attended for awhile but once I went back to work I started going only occasionally and then stopped going altogether.  Now I am thinking maybe I need to start going again, but I find it hard to go and get the snide comments that if I went more often my child would know how better to behave in church, and things like this.  I enjoy going for myself but I end up feeling almost ashamed for not going more often which keeps me from going at all.  Know what I mean?  Little J did receive a children’s bible a couple of years ago as a gift so I pulled it out and started reading it to him and he is really enjoying it.  As soon as we got home yesterday he wanted me to read more.  Who knows how long he will be interested in it.
I never expected to have the why are we here conversation with my child at five years old.  What next? 🙂